July/August Hyper-fixations
Better late than never
Honestly, I am in complete awe of how my life has transformed over the past two months. Instead of my usual semi-monthly check-ins, I want to take a moment to reflect on why I feel so humbled and grateful for everything that has happened so far.
A little personal backstory: my 20s have been a difficult time for me. It has truly been a roller coaster, but before the pandemic, I was so depressed that I felt numb. I had a job that didn’t fulfill me, I was grieving the loss of my cousin and my college life, and I was trying to navigate the challenges of a long-distance relationship. Then, BOOM—the pandemic hit like crack in the ‘80s, and I was forced to sit the FUCK DOWN.
This was a much-needed break that I will forever remember. The healing that took place just by being forced to stand still for a while completely changed the trajectory of my life. My immediate family did a lot of healing as we began to navigate how to support and care for each other since my parents’ divorce (spoiler alert: we figured it out). I also did a lot of personal healing, growing up, creating a routine, and getting even closer to my older sister.
Being in this frame of mind pushed me to finally speak out loud about what I wanted. “I want to be a YouTuber,” I said—a somewhat embarrassing thing to admit at 25, but I had never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I spent an entire year researching and writing scripts for 52 true crime episodes. I posted my first video two days before my 26th birthday. As I was editing that first YouTube video, I finally saw myself again for the first time since I was 22—the fog lifted, and I never looked back.
The first year was incredible. I became monetized in under six months, but the exponential growth eventually stalled, and I burned myself out without even realizing it. By the start of the second year, I was completely exhausted, so I took an eight-month break from all things YouTube. I needed time to reflect, and I knew I couldn’t grow while producing weekly content.
I took the break (ALWAYS TAKE THE BREAK), and during that time, I came up with the Bloodstained Podcast—a mix of True Crime and History, an excuse to talk about two things I love to think about constantly, even if it was just me talking to myself. Coming back, I knew it would be hard work, but I was ready for it again and focused. Within a month of starting the podcast in March, I reached 10,000 YouTube subscribers.
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Here we are at the end of August:
(LIKE I WAS ON AL JAZEERA LAST WEEK)
I know many of you found me through a somewhat negative experience, but I am beyond grateful for it. Despite the stress, it brought us together, and you have no idea how delighted I am that we all found each other. So, to the new members of the community—welcome! There's lots more to come!
To those of you who have been here since the very beginning, who gave me the space to breathe and welcomed me back with open arms—thank you. You've grown so much with me, allowed me to change, and for that, I am incredibly thankful.
So, cheers! More to come! (Book Club LOADING)
Ps. Listen to this ALBUM NOW: “Alligator Bites Never Heal”-Doechii
We're so proud of you madi!!